From the "Inequities and Vicissitudes of Life" File: Pot and Anxiety

You've heard it a million times. "I used to smoke a lot of pot, but now it just makes me nervous/paranoid/freak out." Is this increasingly common complaint just a sign of advancing age? A byproduct of ever-increasing THC levels in today's marijuana? The body's last-ditch defense mechanism to maintain a bare-minimum level of brain cells? Hell, are people just more willing to admit it now because panic attacks and anxiety disorders are more socially acceptable? When did "Man I am so stoned" and "Dude I am so high" give way to "Is my heart beating too fast?" and "I can't breathe!"?

Whatever the case, it's no fun. No one wants to feel old, or anxious, or sober. Just think of what's been lost. Quincy is nowhere near as interesting as it used to be. Same with cartoons, infomercials, nature documentaries, and symbolic logic. Top Ramen is no longer edible and I would never even consider going into an Arby's. Certain things have survived the transition rather well (Star Trek, Simon & Simon, zombie movies, those kitty-shaped ginger snaps from Trader Joe's), but that's cold comfort when you've lost your passion for the Blade movies.

The worst part, by far, is music. I will say, on record and with full conviction, that great music sounds even better when you are high. Unlike ecstasy, which makes you think you enjoy shitty, repetitive music, pot simply enhances that which is already good. (Here I am reminded of a joke: Q. What did the Deadhead say when he ran out of pot? A. This music sucks!) Say what you will about marijuana and the unfortunate "culture" that made Half Baked a hit on late-night cable, pot does have one truly valuable application: there are few things better than closing your eyes, putting on headphones, and listening to great music while under the influence. (Interestingly, pot does make certain music suddenly, inexplicably unbearable. On one occasion in college I attempted to listen to Depeche Mode while high, and it was years before I could listen to them again under any circumstances.)

It is not my intention to wax rhapsodic about dope. "Dope," after all, is an apt nickname in many ways. When I stopped smoking pot, I also stopped watching The Young and the Restless. But I do miss getting quite high and listening to, say, the first Mr. Bungle album. Or the Butthole Surfers. Or Charles Mingus. Or the Minutemen. And so I give you...

Three songs that would sound even better if you were really high right now:

Can - "Mushroom" (from Tago Mago)
Miles Davis - "Will o' the Wisp" (from Sketches of Spain)
Pink Floyd - "Let There Be More Light" (from A Saucerful of Secrets) Oh come on. You knew one of them was going to be a Pink Floyd song.

A thousand apologies for the poor quality of the mp3 files, but EZArchive recently made it impossible to share high-quality audio files. Luckily for them, they saved this "upgrade" until three days after I paid them for the year.